she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
