$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Randomize
