she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
