The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
