too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
