I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
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