Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
