quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
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