my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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