I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
the condom got lost in my hair
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Randomize
