we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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