Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Randomize
