in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
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