Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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