note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize