so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
