the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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