He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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