Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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