were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
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