I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
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