Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
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