Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Randomize