oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
