38 yer olds are good kisserssss
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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