You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
