so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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