ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
