Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
