Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Randomize
