I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Randomize
