so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize
