it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
