Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
she woke up with a sticky ear
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Randomize
