I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
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