My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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