I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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