Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
