I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Randomize
