ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
