take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Randomize
