im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
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