I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Randomize
