He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
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i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
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