uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
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