There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
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