new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
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