I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Dignity is for republicans.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Randomize
