your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
