after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
