You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
