So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
