How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize