if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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