obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
