it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
