At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
