did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
