I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Randomize
