you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
