He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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