there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
