I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
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