you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
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