I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
and she was petting her beer can
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Randomize
