Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
