It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
I think I won the penis lottery.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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