my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Randomize
