im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
