Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Randomize
