Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Randomize
