dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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