Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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