I wish my penis had an off switch
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
I had to cum in my sink.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
