Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
