So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
