According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
